This blog has been great. It allowed me to keep a log of what I've learned about being in a relationship.

But I need to focus my life right now. I need to push productivity into it.

So goodbye for now,

All the best,

Laura

Wisdom from the Newspapers

Today, my fiance sent me this super interesting article by Tara Parker-Pope for The New York Times called The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage.

Here's a clip summary brief selection thing:

"Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship."

The discoveries mentioned in this article weren't very shocking to my fiance or me, which is a good sign, since we've both invested ourselves in our own self-improvement. We've been lucky enough to find that we urge the other to improve and expand.

There are few people in your life that can push you to really expand yourself and see the world in new, unimagined ways. These people are precious and, whether you marry them or not, it always pays to cultivate your relationships with them.

Wisdom from Franklin P. Jones

"Love doesn’t make the world go ‘round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

This is a quote that has always meant a lot to me. Because love itself can't be the end goal. Love is too fluid to pin it down and declare you've caught it. As most people who have loved know, love does not necessarily stay where it once was.

So the goal isn't to make love the be-all-end-all; the goal should be to incorporate love into your every day actions, to live in love, rather than trying to possess it.

Wisdom from The Cinderella Project

Recently, I've been swimming through the archives of The Cinderella Project, a gorgeous wedding blog, and came across this post. Here's a clip from it that really struck a chord with me:

"In the rush of planning a wedding and all the details that come along with it, it can be easy for us to get caught up in all the excitement (myself included). But let's not forget the reason of having a wedding in the first place - a wedding is one day, but a marriage is for a lifetime. If your fiance asked you to go down to City Hall the next day to get married, would you?

I hope so, because sometimes love is all you really need."

Well said.

Naked Unoriginality

Ok…

I liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer back when it wasn’t cool to be into vampires. And in the last few years, it’s become clear to me that popular vampire stories can have a myriad of plots but only one understanding of how relationships work.

Let’s recap.

We have THE GIRL…



















It doesn’t matter that Buffy is a confident, evil-fighting hero and that Bella is a needy dimwit without a personality; they both play the exact same role of THE GIRL.

They have something “special” about them that makes them different from every other girl and that causes vampires to treat them differently—Buffy is the Vampire Slayer, Sookie is a psychic, vampire powers don’t affect Bella, and Elena’s doppelganger is a centuries old evil vampire.

Then we have THE TORTURED SOUL…



















This is the vampire who believes loving THE GIRL is selfish and unfair to her. He spends much of his time brooding over his existence.

His relationship with THE GIRL will always, without fail, be a tug of war between feelings they can’t deny and pain. He always ends up hurting her but both will believe that theirs is true love anyway.

Then there’s THE OTHER SUPERNATURAL LOVE INTEREST…


















After THE TORTURED SOUL flees from THE GIRL for whatever reason (likely a desperate quest to brood over his sins), THE OTHER LOVE INTEREST will be there to tempt THE GIRL, who will inevitably keep both men in a limbo where she yanks both of them along.

THE OTHER SUPERNATURAL LOVE INTEREST always tends to be better for THE GIRL in some way, but it’s inevitable that she’ll choose THE TORTURED SOUL over him eventually.

Consequently, both THE TORTURED SOUL and THE OTHER SUPERNATURAL LOVE INTEREST become much more interesting people and characters when they’re not trailing after THE GIRL like whipped dogs.

And this entire cliched trope thrives all because girls consuming these stories want to close their eyes and pretend they’re THE GIRL and that two men—one dark but responsible, one loyal but wild—with hot looks that never fade will treat her like she’s the only girl in the world.

And this is what sells.

Come on, ladies. This fantasy was fun in high school but I think it’s time to grow up and build some real romantic relationships.

Wisdom from Scrubs

"Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever - gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, ‘cause I do…believe in it. Bottom line…is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is, they don’t let it take ‘em down."

-Dr. Cox, Scrubs

Wisdom from Nietzsche

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Miscommunication: Happens Everywhere

Miscommunication happens to everyone at some point. The best thing to do is to have a little patience and, after straightening it all out, laugh about it.

Tip #21

The couple that travels together (without murdering one another), stays together.

A friend of mine once told me he would never marry someone unless he and his prospective partner could drive across the country together, because that's the only way he can tell if they truly get along.

While I'm all for seeing how relationships hold up in life's stress tests, I'm not a huge fan of road trips. I'm more into trains and airplanes, and I'd say they work just as well.

This works on the same principle as my advice to live together for a while before getting married. You need to understand what it will be like to spend days, weeks, months with each other before promising eternity. I could be cynical about marriage no longer equaling eternity but I still think it's not to be treated lightly.

Being stuck in each other's proximity for the length of a trip is a good way to get a feel for your partner's idiosyncrasies and patience limit, and it will allow you to realize whether you can live with them or not.

Wisdom from Cracked

Cracked.com is one of my favourite websites. Not only do they make me laugh until I'm in tears, they also deliver some oddly informational articles. I love their ability to teach and entertain simultaneously.

Here's a great quote from 5 Widely Believed Dating Myths (Science Says Aren't True), one of their recent articles:

"A study of data collected from over a thousand unmarried young adults showed that men are actually more emotionally affected by relationship drama than women. They just don't show it. They're more likely to put on a brave face than post passive-aggressive Facebook statuses or complain about their significant other to their buddies. Meanwhile, they probably cry into their pillows at night after an argument with their girlfriend.

Researchers think it might be because girls generally have more close bonds with friends and family than men, so going through a rough spot with the boyfriend doesn't cut off their only outlet for emotional support. Guys, on the other hand, tend to confide only in their significant other. Emotionally, that means they have more at stake if things turn cold in the relationship."

There are a bunch of other dating-related articles that are definitely worth a read. Check them out:

6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turn Women Off

6 Ways You Can (Accidently) Attract the Ladies

6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science

Enjoy!