Wisdom from Cracked

Cracked.com is one of my favourite websites. Not only do they make me laugh until I'm in tears, they also deliver some oddly informational articles. I love their ability to teach and entertain simultaneously.

Here's a great quote from 5 Widely Believed Dating Myths (Science Says Aren't True), one of their recent articles:

"A study of data collected from over a thousand unmarried young adults showed that men are actually more emotionally affected by relationship drama than women. They just don't show it. They're more likely to put on a brave face than post passive-aggressive Facebook statuses or complain about their significant other to their buddies. Meanwhile, they probably cry into their pillows at night after an argument with their girlfriend.

Researchers think it might be because girls generally have more close bonds with friends and family than men, so going through a rough spot with the boyfriend doesn't cut off their only outlet for emotional support. Guys, on the other hand, tend to confide only in their significant other. Emotionally, that means they have more at stake if things turn cold in the relationship."

There are a bunch of other dating-related articles that are definitely worth a read. Check them out:

6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turn Women Off

6 Ways You Can (Accidently) Attract the Ladies

6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science

Enjoy!

Tip #8

A good sex life is more than good sex.

I'd wager that talking about sex is more important than actually having it. Talk before sex, talk after it, talk during it, talk about it when you're not even thinking about jumping into bed. The more comfortable you are talking about sex with your partner, the more comfortable you'll feel having sex with your partner.

That extends to porn too. I once read an article about a man who looks at internet porn being found out by his wife and all the ensuing drama (she feels he shouldn't need it, he doesn't think it's a big deal, yada yada yada)...but all I could think about was, "Had they really never discussed porn before?"

Welcome to 2010! Everyone of every gender and every sexuality and almost every age has access to internet pornography and you would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't taken at least one little peek. Even your partner.

Being honest about porn habits will bring any couple closer together. And watching porn together is a fun bonding experience you won't want to forgo. ;)

Tip #2

Know the difference between sex and love.

Yes, the two usually go hand in hand, but it is too easy to mistake one for the other or to assume that one will lead to the other.

You can have fantastic sex without being downright in love with your partner and you can truly love your significant other with a nearly non-existent sex life. But if you don't love someone, having more sex isn't going to birth that emotion. And just because you and your neighbour have been head-over-heels in love for 5 years won't automatically make your sex life any good.

However, two people who love and trust each other will always end up having amazing sex if they communicate honestly about what they want and expect from the other person.

Erupting

I took this picture in my room in my sophomore year at Bard College. My blond roommate had moved out because the noise had morphed her into an insomniac. We lived on the second floor of a mansion that had temporary walls crammed into it in order to make it a suitable dorm. The result? A building where a single sound flew straight through us all. I could hear when my neighbours' cell phones vibrated.

They had really awkward sex.

But then, so did I. Once my roommate had hunted down quieter quarters, my boyfriend moved in. Our relationship was still finding its legs. He was a sex addict and I had lost my virginity to him only two months earlier. Love is so easy. Relationships are not. However, it's been two years to the day since he popped my cherry. We're engaged and after clambering over fights and tears, our sex life is amazing.

Well, it was until last night.

Why do so many girls cry after sex? It's an old cliche that crops up far too often. Maybe it's because we're the ones getting stuck in. We physically have to open ourselves and it's hard not to open ourselves emotionally too. Vulnerability is terrifying. But I pushed through that and things were good, except last night I let him do something that made me uncomfortable and the status quo snapped like a twig. Fear is back. It's back and I thought it had been vanquished.

"It's because I'm sexually liberal and you're sexually conservative," he said softly as we stared at his ceiling.

I nearly snickered at the political frame he placed on our sex life but I wasn't really in the mood to laugh. He's right anyway. At the end of the day, I'm really not much of an explorer. Toys feel degrading to me. I'm afraid of being laughed at in a sexy outfit. It's hard to get over how silly role-playing feels. Anal sex doesn't feel all that good. I find ways to have good sex and then I work to make those tried-and-true moves better. His search for new methods or new toys makes me feel like all my efforts at improving mean nothing, though I know that's never what he intends.

I can stew and sulk. Or I can keep pushing myself to express what I want sexually. There's still a very small part of me that is terrified of being vulnerable in his arms. I want to show her that she's safe. I think it's very possible.

I will be fearless in bed someday. That's not to say that I'll try anything. But there will be no shame about what I do want and no guilt about turning down what I don't.