Friday, February 26, 2010

Tip #6

Love isn't all you need. And that's OKAY.

"Aren’t you funny? Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You might not marry a girl because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it help? And if you had a daughter, wouldn’t you rather she didn’t marry a poor man? You’d want her to have the most wonderful things in the world and be very happy. Oh, why is it wrong for ME to want those things?"

This is my favourite quote by Marilyn Monroe’s character Lorelei Lee in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, which is one of my favourite movies. To date I’ve watched it in New York, New Jersey, Ireland, and India.

Marilyn hated being typecast as the dumb blonde in movies so when her character—who acts ditzy but is actually pretty clever—makes this speech at the end, it’s almost as though Marilyn herself is shining through and revealing the layers beneath her own appearance.

It also makes a damn good point. People are so often pigeon-holed as shallow for wanting to marry someone wealthy, but face the facts: if two men have the same personalities but one has a comfortable lifestyle and monetary security while the other doesn’t, Mr Steady Income IS more attractive.

I think it might be pervasive religious guilt that tells people not to take money into consideration when judging prospective partners, but in reality, money issues tear people apart. We all want to be taken care of and no one wants to tie themselves to dead weight.

Part of the reason I'm so willing to spend the rest of my life with my fiance is because he has ambition. He intends to make money and to earn prestige, which is excellent as I plan to do the same thing.

How To Live Life as Taught By a Man With a Mercedes

The news this morning was all over the heavy snowfall and somehow managed to talk about it for an hour at least. They did interview a man who is my new hero however.

He was a handsome black man who was wearing a comfortable coat and a happy grin and he was standing in his black Mercedes with the top down. Snow was falling in large flakes around him. The reporter thought he was nuts for driving around like that in this weather and wondered if he cared about damaging the leather interior of his car.

Still smiling broadly, he said that he loved New York and he loved winter before laughing about how terrible the driving was. Then he glanced around his car, saying that you only live once and that he could always get the leather cleaned.

If we approached every day like he did, we’d all be doing just fine.

It’s the experiences that matter, not the pristine condition of your things. Love the little joys life gives you and you’ll never be short of happiness.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Book Review: Other People's Love Letters

Emotional voyeurism at its best. Other People’s Love Letters is a compilation of love letters that were written for and by people that you will likely never meet. Editor Bill Shapiro took the time to gather this collection of hysterical, tear jerking, heart wrenching and at times disturbing batch of love letters.

There are letters from men, women, those who have just started dating, have been married for years and those who have lost love. The collection includes a letter from a man serving in Vietnam in 1969 to the love he has left behind, and a few from those who are just looking for a roll in the hay. Needless to say, it is a captivating emotional roller coaster – both sweet & scandalous. As one reader noted, “it’s a great way to remember how good love feels in the beginning and how sweet it can be after many years.”

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tip #5

Be friends.

What makes an awesome friend? Someone who listens, someone who tells you like it is, someone you can laugh with, someone you can cry with, someone you can do nothing with and still have a good time. Why base your relationship on a different set of criteria?

Friendship is the secret ingredient to any healthy, long-lasting relationship. Neither you nor your significant other is likely to finish the race with looks and sex drive fully intact, so a romantic relationship clearly needs to have stronger foundations than the physical part.

Thus, friendship. Even if your sex life falls off a cliff, if you can laugh with your honey, you'll get through it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Tip #4

Exercise.

You heard me. Exercising makes you feel happy and confident, which makes you a better significant other. When you feel good about your body, you become more relaxed in bed and can just enjoy being naked together without having to drag body issues into the room.

Not too mention, you'll LOOK better. I'm not talking about needing to get skinny, I'm talking about leading an active lifestyle. Exercise keeps the weight off (shocker) and helps tone muscles, which means you won't only feel better about yourself, you will actually appear more attractive to other people (especially your sig other, who sees you sans dressing more than anyone).

On top of all the benefits of being in shape (confidence, happier moods, longer lifespan, etc), your partner will appreciate you putting the effort in to taking care of yourself. Nothing is sexier than watching your nude lover come towards you with confidence in him/herself.

BONUS: Exercise together. I dare you not to let all that sweating and grunting lead to sex.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Tip #3

You don't always have to win.

Like most women in their twenties, I view myself as an independent diva who won't compromise what she wants or who she is.

Unfortunately, I decided that meant not doing anything my boyfriend-now-fiance asked of me. Whether it was seeing a certain movie or trying a certain sex move, if I even had an iota of reluctance, I immediately decided that saying OK was akin to giving in or losing. Why should I let him push me around?

Needless to say, he ended up pretty frustrated with me and I can see why; although I thought if I changed for him I was just another woman changing herself for a man, I had no qualms about demanding that he change for me. That's not equality of the sexes at all, is it?

Besides, nobody likes people who perpetually victimize themselves.

A successful relationship is a busy two-way street. Saying "Yes" or even "Okay, I'll try that" more has not only led me to expand my interests and push my limits, it has freed me to ask for what I want more honestly. And saying OK doesn't mean that I always end up enjoying myself. I don't like anal sex or playing video games, but I know it means a lot to him that I tried them at least once for his sake.

Even though I concluded I didn't really want to do those again, there is a level of trust now that allows us to look at each other and know that the other is genuinely willing to try something new or unfamiliar (or even scary) for our sake. That knowledge is worth a bit of boredom or discomfort.

DISCLAIMER: When trying something new at your lover's urging, be honest with yourself. If you hate it, at least now you know for sure. But more importantly, be open to liking it. Trying something new is a useless exercise if you decided beforehand that you would hate doing whatever was asked of you (regardless of whether you end up enjoying yourself or not).

DISCLAIMER #2: If your lover keeps asking you for something that you've tried and felt uncomfortable doing, put your foot down. He/she needs to accept that you gave it your best shot and respect your feelings...or he/she needs to hit the road.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Technorati

I can now be found on Technorati!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Tip #2

Know the difference between sex and love.

Yes, the two usually go hand in hand, but it is too easy to mistake one for the other or to assume that one will lead to the other.

You can have fantastic sex without being downright in love with your partner and you can truly love your significant other with a nearly non-existent sex life. But if you don't love someone, having more sex isn't going to birth that emotion. And just because you and your neighbour have been head-over-heels in love for 5 years won't automatically make your sex life any good.

However, two people who love and trust each other will always end up having amazing sex if they communicate honestly about what they want and expect from the other person.