Prioritize your relationship.
It's easy to fall into a routine and to assume that your relationship will wait for you.
I have a nasty habit of taking my relationship for granted sometimes. My effort and attention wanes, and then I find myself surprised when my relationship is suffering. Your relationship, like your job and your bills and your health, needs to be your number one priority sometimes.
A healthy relationship needs a steady supply of love, consideration, and time allotted just for it. A stretch of inattentiveness does a fair amount of damage and could lead to a teary fight or even the end of your relationship.
I suppose a relationship is much like a beloved pet dog. You wouldn't go a few weeks without feeding your dog or giving him exercise or paying attention to its well-being, right?
Showing posts with label partner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label partner. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Tip #17
Take breaks from each other.
This isn't new advice. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" has been stitched into little throw pillows and painted on quaint wooden signs for over a century. But the reason it's a common cliche is because it's true.
Take a vacation alone once in a while. Even if it's only a weekend. Giving yourself time to miss your partner is a great way to illuminate what you love about them and to allow trust to build.
Being apart for a bit also creates the opportunity for both partners to be full individuals and to experience the world alone. It certainly obviates any feelings of being trapped or restrained by your relationship.
And when you get back, you get to relearn each other and share stories with one another. Maybe the phrase should be: Little bursts of bonding spurred by a recent absence makes the relationship stronger.
This isn't new advice. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" has been stitched into little throw pillows and painted on quaint wooden signs for over a century. But the reason it's a common cliche is because it's true.
Take a vacation alone once in a while. Even if it's only a weekend. Giving yourself time to miss your partner is a great way to illuminate what you love about them and to allow trust to build.
Being apart for a bit also creates the opportunity for both partners to be full individuals and to experience the world alone. It certainly obviates any feelings of being trapped or restrained by your relationship.
And when you get back, you get to relearn each other and share stories with one another. Maybe the phrase should be: Little bursts of bonding spurred by a recent absence makes the relationship stronger.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tip #16
Live in sin.
Don't promise to love a person forever until you've lived with them for a year. I suggest moving in together with your partner before you get married. That way, you'll know exactly what you'll have to look forward to for the next 70 years.
It is very possible that although you may absolutely adore your partner when you're out on dates together, you'll hate his entire lifestyle. I have a long list of amazing friends I've known for years that I cannot, under any circumstances, live with in the same house for more than a week.
Marriages are not built on the love you feel for your partner when they're cleaned up and putting a good mood forward for your allotted time together. Marriages are built on the love that remains even when you're both unshowered and grouchy.
Get the free trial before you buy. Hopefully, this means you won't be scrambling for a refund later.
Don't promise to love a person forever until you've lived with them for a year. I suggest moving in together with your partner before you get married. That way, you'll know exactly what you'll have to look forward to for the next 70 years.
It is very possible that although you may absolutely adore your partner when you're out on dates together, you'll hate his entire lifestyle. I have a long list of amazing friends I've known for years that I cannot, under any circumstances, live with in the same house for more than a week.
Marriages are not built on the love you feel for your partner when they're cleaned up and putting a good mood forward for your allotted time together. Marriages are built on the love that remains even when you're both unshowered and grouchy.
Get the free trial before you buy. Hopefully, this means you won't be scrambling for a refund later.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Tip #11
Your partner is not psychic.
Unless they are. But I've never been in a relationship with a psychic and I have a theory that most people haven't. So let's assume you and your partner both have the standard human amount of telepathic abilities.
Have you noticed that that doesn't stop you from getting angry when he or she can't read your mind?
I've snapped at my lover for not understanding why I'm angry and then only been angered further when he asked me to tell him (he should know). Or I've been sullen and untalkative, and infuriated that he hasn't noticed that I'm upset (he should realize that my tone of voice means I'm not really "Fine"). We all know what happens next: accusations, victimization, yelling, and, of course, tears.
I blame Romantic Comedies for this one, since they are full of beautiful people in love who somehow magically knowing what each other truly wants and needs. And of course, when they don't, it's merely a plot point for an argument that will eventually get resolved when one of them magically does the exact right thing. (A la Paulie Bleeker somehow just knowing without being told when Juno is giving birth and running to her side)
Yeah...
I'm not saying that such occurrences don't happen in real life. They do. But OCCASIONALLY. That's what makes it so special when a friend or a lover gets you that perfect gift you didn't ask for--it wouldn't be special if there was some law of chance or physics that decreed we'd all know exactly the right thing to say or do all the time.
Although asking for what you want or what you need may not sound quite as magical and romantic, it's how relationships get built. The more you pay attention to each other and listen and communicate, the more likely it is that those intimate moments of knowing exactly what the other person wants will happen.
They're a product of previous communications, not magic.
Unless they are. But I've never been in a relationship with a psychic and I have a theory that most people haven't. So let's assume you and your partner both have the standard human amount of telepathic abilities.
Have you noticed that that doesn't stop you from getting angry when he or she can't read your mind?
I've snapped at my lover for not understanding why I'm angry and then only been angered further when he asked me to tell him (he should know). Or I've been sullen and untalkative, and infuriated that he hasn't noticed that I'm upset (he should realize that my tone of voice means I'm not really "Fine"). We all know what happens next: accusations, victimization, yelling, and, of course, tears.
I blame Romantic Comedies for this one, since they are full of beautiful people in love who somehow magically knowing what each other truly wants and needs. And of course, when they don't, it's merely a plot point for an argument that will eventually get resolved when one of them magically does the exact right thing. (A la Paulie Bleeker somehow just knowing without being told when Juno is giving birth and running to her side)
Yeah...
I'm not saying that such occurrences don't happen in real life. They do. But OCCASIONALLY. That's what makes it so special when a friend or a lover gets you that perfect gift you didn't ask for--it wouldn't be special if there was some law of chance or physics that decreed we'd all know exactly the right thing to say or do all the time.
Although asking for what you want or what you need may not sound quite as magical and romantic, it's how relationships get built. The more you pay attention to each other and listen and communicate, the more likely it is that those intimate moments of knowing exactly what the other person wants will happen.
They're a product of previous communications, not magic.
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