Thursday, April 8, 2010

Tip #10

Your relationship is about the two of you. No one else.

"Nobody down the road has any right to apologize for something that happened in the past. This question comes up in the U.S. all the time. …(Like slavery,) it’s history. It’s all laid out. Why should anybody today apologize for anything that happened 150 years ago? It isn’t necessary. It’s giving somebody 150 years later a right to make this apology. No, they don’t have a right to make an apology."

-Morris ‘Dick’ Jeppson

Jeppson's perspective made me stop and think. I believe he's right. No one should be assigned to apologize for an entire country or an entire race or an entire gender. But just as importantly, no one should have to represent an entire country or race or gender to you.

I mentioned before about casting off stereotypical relationship roles because I believe for a relationship to work, it must be customized and personalized. Don't expect every girl you date to react in the same way when you bring her flowers. Don't presume your husband carries some of the blame for the patriarchal laws of the past. We can only be responsible for our own actions and only expect others to be responsible for theirs.

Judging a person by their gender or nationality or relationship role alone is a surefire way to sacrifice intimacy. If you lose sight of who the person your dating is and only focus on what that person is, you're in trouble. Because your relationship isn't between Ireland and the U.S. or between men and women, it's about you and your partner. That's all.

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