Tip #11

Your partner is not psychic.

Unless they are. But I've never been in a relationship with a psychic and I have a theory that most people haven't. So let's assume you and your partner both have the standard human amount of telepathic abilities.

Have you noticed that that doesn't stop you from getting angry when he or she can't read your mind?

I've snapped at my lover for not understanding why I'm angry and then only been angered further when he asked me to tell him (he should know). Or I've been sullen and untalkative, and infuriated that he hasn't noticed that I'm upset (he should realize that my tone of voice means I'm not really "Fine"). We all know what happens next: accusations, victimization, yelling, and, of course, tears.

I blame Romantic Comedies for this one, since they are full of beautiful people in love who somehow magically knowing what each other truly wants and needs. And of course, when they don't, it's merely a plot point for an argument that will eventually get resolved when one of them magically does the exact right thing. (A la Paulie Bleeker somehow just knowing without being told when Juno is giving birth and running to her side)

Yeah...

I'm not saying that such occurrences don't happen in real life. They do. But OCCASIONALLY. That's what makes it so special when a friend or a lover gets you that perfect gift you didn't ask for--it wouldn't be special if there was some law of chance or physics that decreed we'd all know exactly the right thing to say or do all the time.

Although asking for what you want or what you need may not sound quite as magical and romantic, it's how relationships get built. The more you pay attention to each other and listen and communicate, the more likely it is that those intimate moments of knowing exactly what the other person wants will happen.

They're a product of previous communications, not magic.