Keeping the Peace

I've been trolling through my long (loooooooooooong) list of favourited sites on Stumble Upon and discovered an old article on CNN.com called 10 Things to Say to Keep the Peace that was a source of some very simple but useful advice when dealing with lovers, friends, family, or mere acquaintances.

Here are a few of my favourites from the list:

2. "Is this a good time for you?"

Whenever I want my husband's full attention for a conversation and I don't want to compete with a football game on TV, I ask this simple question. If he gives me a green light by saying yes (and turning off the game), I proceed. If he says no, I ask, "When would be a better time?" We then agree on another time and a fight is avoided. Consider using this line at work, too. Your boss and coworkers will appreciate it.

5. "I need your help. Can you please...?"

People often ask me what they can say to family members or coworkers who don't assume their share of responsibility. Here's my simple tip: Rather than accusing the person of being lazy or inconsiderate, ask her for what you want and be specific. "Since we both drink coffee, how about if I make the pot and you clean it, or vice versa?" People are not mind readers.

6. "Let's wait on this until we have more information."

Know when to table a discussion. One couple came to me with a dispute that had turned into a huge problem for them: They were constantly arguing over whether they should stay in their city apartment or move to a house in the suburbs. The issue wasn't which choice they should make (they had already agreed they wouldn't move for three years, or until their oldest child reached school age); it was that they were having a premature argument. At times like these, it's important to remind yourself and your conversation partner that it's too early to discuss the issue. Preferences will change over time, as will facts, such as home prices.

7. "What did you mean by that?"

Sometimes asking the right question is all it takes to avoid an argument. We all make assumptions about other people's intentions. Asked in a genuinely interested (and not passive-aggressive) way, this question allows your conversation partner to explain himself before you jump to conclusions. Only then should you offer your response.